Masturbation vs. Mastication

   I have always tried to have an open dialog with my kids about sex. I try not to get in all the messy details, but if they ask a question about it, I answer it honestly and with as much or as little information as I feel is necessary. That includes the topics of masturbation, sex, oral sex, etc. I instantly get uncomfortable, but try so hard to hide it from the kids. I figure they are best hearing it from me, rather than their young friends, like I did. I seriously thought when I was my daughters age, that a girl could get pregnant if a boy touched her leg. It caused near panic with me and my girlfriends on the playground.
    It can embarrass the hell out of The Boy because I have always been a bit blunt about these matters, and when Hubby hears anything remotely related to "sex talk" or "girl talk", he high tails it out of the room on some random yard mowing emergency.  
  Oh my girl. On the way to a doctors appointment for a check-up for Her Majesty and The Boy, my daughter quietly says "We talked about mastication today at school"..this is how the conversation went...
Me: Oh
Her Majesty: Ya, I don't know why we were talking about that.
The Boy: It means chewing, ya know.
Her Majesty: What? I thought it meant the other thing!
Me: What other thing?...(then the dawning of what she may have been thinking about)
Me: What did you think it meant?
Her Majesty: You know! That one thing. I couldn't figure out why we were talking about that, but chewing makes a lot more sense.
Me: You mean you thought it was "masturbation"???
Her Majesty: Ya!....(and she is blushing bright red!)
The Boy: Ugh, it means the act of chewing your food, you big dork!
Me: Oh my Goooddd. What did you say? at school? do we need to change schools and phone numbers now??
Her Majesty: I didn't say ANYTHING..I was confused and not sure why we were talking about that. I understand now. I thought they were the same word!
Me: Okay, that's good. There is nothing wrong with masturbation. It's nothing to be ashamed about, but we certainly don't talk about it at school, or to other people...k??
Her Majesty: Okay..geesh, I know!
The Boy: Just shoot me now, Mom. Just....shoot...me....now!

P.S. I'm almost certain the teacher gave the definition of the word, but I'm almost nearly as certain, that she didn't hear it at the time, because she was picking dried glue off her hands, making an eraser-paper clip chain, or daydreaming as she is prone to do.

P.S.S. This routine check-up on the kids, found that The Boy, has a  heart murmur that had never existed before. After an EKG, and a chest x-ray, we have to wait until Nov. 15th to speak to a cardiologist. I'm trying not to freak out, or freak him out. Sooooo...two more months of panic attacks and worrying before we have any answers.

P.S.S.S.  In case anyone else is confused, click for the definitions of each:  masturbation vs. mastication